Dinner Disasters
by Phillica Clayaway
Summary: Eowyn is a horrible cook. Tales of disaster. One-shot. You will only get this if you've seen the extended editions of the films.


A/N: Ok, so this is an extremely silly oneshot that I wrote in an hour. I hope you guys enjoy it!

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Dinner Disasters

Eomer was hungry. He was sitting at the dinner table all by himself, drumming his fingers on the tabletop and wondering just where Eowyn had gotten to. Everybody else had gone hunting, but he had had to stay behind with the women because of a prank he had played on Grima. Now he was waiting for Eowyn to finish the supper.

At length she came in, smiling and rosy, and bearing a great platter of quesadillas in her hands. She set them triumphantly in front of him and gave him a fork.

'Eat,' she said, motioning to the quesadillas. Eomer dug in. And let out a yell before hastily spitting the food out.

'What did you put in that?' he exclaimed, grabbing a glass of water and gulping down half the contents. A frown clouded Eowyn's face.

'Tortillas, fish, mustard, chili powder, zucchini, mayonnaise, egg,' she said, a little doubtfully, ticking them off on her fingers, 'Oh and some raspberry jam.'

Eomer hastened from the table and let out a strangled cry. Shortly afterwards he was banished.

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Aragorn was hungry. He was sitting on a rock sharpening his knife and wondering what types of changes he would make if_ he _were king of Rohan. But his stomach grumbled and he looked up to see Eowyn walking towards him with a pot of soup on her arm.

'I made some stew,' she said, smiling, 'It's not much, but - it's hot. Eat.' She handed him a bowl and a spoon, and eagerly he scooped some soup up and put it in his mouth. And paused, trying desperately to keep from crying out in front of this girl who he thought was kind of cute. She was looking down at him anxiously, and he swallowed with difficulty.

'It's good,' he lied, grimacing. She looked relieved and turned away.

'_Scrap that,' _ he thought, '_I'm not marrying her.'_

Shortly afterwards he fell over a cliff.

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Faramir was hungry. He was sitting on the edge of his bed in his pajamas, kicking his slippered feet against the chest of drawers opposite him, and wondering what his new wife was going to make for breakfast. They had just gotten married the night before and he was tired and hungry from all the excitement.

He jumped off of his bed and opened the bedroom door, expecting a pleasant odour to come wafting up. Instead, he smelled a definite scent of burning toast. He paused, puzzled, and called down the stairs,

'Honey! Is breakfast ready?'

'Almost,' came the answer, and Faramir decided to head downstairs.

Downstairs the smell was stronger and mixed with it was the scent of peanut butter and artificial lemon. Faramir felt a little sick as he sat at the table and quickly poured himself a cup of tea, which had been sitting on the table for the last ten minutes, awaiting the arrival of the food. It was a little cold, but helped to calm his stomach and soothe his nerves. At length, Eowyn came bustling in, a basket in one hand and a platter in the other. In the basket was a dozen muffins, on the platter were blackish things that looked like they might have been, at one point, toast.

Faramir's eyes got big-but he didn't say anything. Now please allow me to give you a quick tip; if you ever have doubts about the safety of food, _ always _ say something. But Faramir didn't, and Eowyn served him with a cheerful smile.

'Eat,' she said, motioning to the - we'll call it toast. Faramir coughed and took a bite.

I'm not sure how to describe that moment for Faramir, captain of Gondor. His head seemed about to burst and he felt as though he had just scooped a handful of oily ashes into his mouth. He sputtered and coughed and took a gulp of tea.

'THAT WAS DISGUSTING!' he yelled, 'I really should have asked Eomer about your cooking.'

Eowyn looked very hurt and burst into tears.

'First my brother,' she cried, 'then my ex, and now my own husband!'

Faramir looked (and felt) awkward.

'Calm down,' he said, finally, 'We'll go get some pizza.'

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There ya go! Please review!


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